Tuesday, August 18, 2009

No Excuse for Poor Behaviour

Nope. That's what I always say. So... why did my emotions get the better of me today, then?

Maybe BECAUSE I am so in tune with the body language and vibes from my friend? She was chewing on something and I felt it... palpably; it permeated every pore of my being and left me on edge and worried. It was not the time or place to find out what. If I was offered an excuse, that's the one I'd hafta grasp at this time, lol.

Maybe because I was expecting opposition from other areas and this came outta left field (literally, lol)?

Maybe because I'm tired? When do you say enough is enough and know that it's time to move on in your "job"?

Maybe because I am feeling guilty we have not had "our time" for awhile and I've been busy making busy and have been missing our girl-time?

Maybe because last week was a real energy-sucker (but I'd do it again 'cause it was SO much fun)?

All the above and then some. But... no excuse for poor behaviour.

I over-reacted. So did she. Both of us were at fault. You seem to hurt the ones you love - ain't it true. I am devastated, depressed and crushed but I need to chill so I can talk about it. I am still shaking and on edge. I need to apologize for the delivery, but not for the message.

The message was clear and not something or a situation that I was trying to usurp. We needed more information and it wasn't forthcoming. I asked and had it thrown at me. That was wrong and hurtful; however... no excuse for poor behaviour... I over-reacted and need to say sorry... But I need to collect my thoughts. No more lashing out or hurt.

I am going to make a cup of tea. I am wounded, hurt and hurting. I need to let go of the hurt and find a way to mend myself and my friendship. I am fragile right now. It will be fine. It has to be.

~ Shelley

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